Empowerment … not for the faint hearted

By David Bingley CPCC, PCC

I was a middle manager in an International Hospitality Company when I first heard about “Empowerment” in my workplace as a norm.  From the meetings I attended in the leadup to the rollout filled me with dread.  In the sense that we as a leadership team were only paying lip service to the process and had either no intention of taking it seriously or did not have any idea as to how it would work successfully.  There was a lot of assumption and very little self-awareness as to how we operated.

In truth, I had my suspicions that we, as a whole, would fail to uphold the spirit of empowerment on day 1 but did not realize how fast we would fail or the impact it would have on teams moving forward.

It seemed to me that the spirit or essence of Empowerment was not understood, meaning we did not discuss what empowerment meant or what we should expect.  In the first hour a member of the front office team made a decision with created an issue which escalated out of proportion.  I do not recall the exact issue, but can visualize and still feel the negative energy and emotions that went spinning out of control.  This is what happened:

  1. A decision was made
  2. The decision was a poor one.
  3. A complaint was made, or it raised a red flag pretty quickly.
  4. More than one department jumped in and pointed angry and accusatory fingers.
  5. In Short this message was clear “They should have sought permission/approval from their manager before making the decision”.
  6. The GM and Senior Executives got involved.
  7. HR was consulted.
  8. Knee jerk reactions were made.
  9. Customer was overcompensated for the mistake.
  10. No one ever on that team or in any team chose to make a decision ever again.

I watched as an observer in horror and even spoke to my colleague and friend who was involved to try to get him to explore a different approach.  

Another example, which came years later I was teaching in a Private Culinary Academy when a student of mine made a decision during the lunch service.  He was on reception and reservations.  He rejected a walk-in table of 5, because the floor plan he was working to was full in terms of the larger tables and had a few smaller tables available only.  He turned the table away in front of the school principal.

The principle got angry and went into the blame game refusing to listen to the student and generally escalating a minor issue and easily fixed issue out of proportion.

  1. A decision was made
  2. The decision was a poor one.
  3. A complaint was made or it raised a red flag pretty quickly
  4. They should have sought permission/approval from their instructor before making the decision.
  5. The instructor fitted in and used this as a coaching moment and for deep learning.

The difference with the 2 cases is that the Spirit of Empowerment was honored in the second case.  It was a powerful learning moment for many people not just to those directly involved.

The Rules of Empowerment

  • The first thing we need to do with Empowerment is to honor that we are working in that space.
  • The second thing we need to do is to know that in the Empowerment space there will be some poor choices being made which may impact income, brand image, customer satisfaction etc…
  • The third thing we need to do is to accept that as the pain and learning process for all involved.

The Framework of Empowerment

  • Once we have a flash point, whenever that is in the process, we need to celebrate that we have a winner.  A winner in the sense that someone made a decision, then chose a course of action and we must honor and support that.
  • Then we need to decide if we must take over the process and with the person who made the decision take remedial action.
  • Then either ask the decision maker what they think they should do next to rectify the solution or as a mentor guide them through your thought process to rectify the issue.

In the second case, I guided the student to the outlet to look at how we can find a space and table for the guests.  It involved asking someone to move their table to open up space for the table of 5.  The student did not immediately agree, they thought that it was rude and disrespectful.  I let him know I agreed with him to a point and explained that one it was an industry practice and two if it was his own restaurant, he was turning money away when he could maximize his seating and income by explaining to the guest our situation and asking them kindly to move tables.  In return we would offer them a complimentary coffee or dessert for their trouble.  It happens in the industry.

The key here in empowerment is to stand in the shoes of the individual making the decision free of all the knowledge, perceptions and commonsense that you possess at the time of the incident and free of the same when you were at the same age of the decision maker.  The fact is you do not know what their life experiences accumulated to until that moment or what processes prompted them to make that decision.  You have to stand in their shoes neutrally and blank.

Then we celebrate the decision and support them with that, understanding them and their process.  Really listening to them so they feel “Seen, Heard, Recognized and Respected”.  

Once you have understood their process then we can ask them knowing what happened what would they do differently.  This is the PAIN process.  We need to stick to this part in order to unpack different choices, options and scenarios that are available to them.

In this case I was able to highlight that the floor plan is a tool that is not fixed but flexible as it will assist us to maximize our potentials when the unexpected happens or unknown factors come into play.

The objective is to show solidarity and support to the team by supporting individuals to make decisions and even when a poor decision is made to learn from that and continue to make decisions confidently.  Pain and process.

So as a leader you want your team members to be responsible, accountable and take ownership for their actions.  You want them to develop and grow and for that they will need your support.  Therefore, you as a leader will need to be equally as responsible, accountable and have ownership.

With the second case I was able to talk to other stakeholders in the school and asked them what they would have done if they were that student.  All without exception, did not stand neutrally in the students’ shoes, they used their own judgment and common sense.  

Empowerment is a space which takes courage, practice and commitment from the manager or leader… it will pay dividends with your team in a short space of time.  We as humans have the capacity to learn quicky.  All the team members can see that they have a framework and support structure and if it goes wrong then have the ability to learn and make better choices and decisions.  One of my favorite questions in many situations and particularly in this space is when talking about issues is this “Knowing what you know now… what would you do differently?”  

Live Large

Becoming a Unicorn

A definition of a Unicorn in the dictionary is “something that is highly desirable but difficult to find or obtain”

To me becoming a unicorn is the embodiment of self… the co-creation and transformation from a drone like state to an awakened… self-aware authentic being… living with self-empowerment and in personal truth…

So how do we get there?  Great question… and that is what you have to discover for yourself as an individual… by taking full responsibility for yourself.. your life choices and your actions for better or for worse with the knowledge that all is good along this journey and it is the path of learning and self actualisation…

I hope and trust that this narrative will inspire all those that read it or hear about it in some small way to open up and start to trust themselves and question all of their beliefs and knowledge to filter out what is truly theirs and what the truly feel aligned with…

I can only share my narrative and experience which some will relate too and others not.

So where to begin?

Like with everyone it begins with our earliest memories and feeling so we will start from there…

Out of the many many recollections of my childhood I remember that I was mostly connected to fear energies and being highly aware and attuned to any form of danger… 

This was learnt and used as a strategy to keep me safe… I believe I learnt this or inherited the fear and being on edge from my mother… who (forgive me ma) is very fearful… superstitious (which she might not admit) and judgemental…

Case and point for me was at the age of 7 years, I was placed in a boarding school… and before bed, we should have some hot chocolate in matrons room… one day I remember sitting on the carpet with my hot chocolate and listening to the other boys talk and one boy said that “he was going to press the red button!” And this triggered in me such a deep sense of dread and fear of the likes I have never experienced before or quite like since…

It was 1977 and pushing the red button alluded to starting a nuclear war …. which horrified me and I really did not understand what that was…

Still today I can picture the scene in my minds eye and not feel the terror but can trace back my life choices and strategies back to that point and earlier… through my practice of self-awareness… unpacking the triggers in my life… the roots of the fears as well as the beliefs… perceptions and judgments I have/had… and examining my values…

You can call this process or path the deconstruction phase… 

A good metaphor would be reconditioning a car engine or car… seeing what works and what is broken… what can be salvaged… stripping it down… cleaning it… conditioning it… replacing damaged parts and putting it back together tenderly with love and care… all the while affirming that all is well… I am loved… and I am a magnificent being deserving of all the joy… love and happiness that life has to offer

You could undertake this journey on your own as I started to and then reach out to people that resonate or who you feel can help abs start to move and grow…

Here… before anything I would like to highlight that in this process we must accept and acknowledge that we have to face a phase which I call “the dark night of the soul” which will most lightly repeat itself a few times or many times… BUT, and I cannot stress this point enough the process of becoming truly authentic and self empowered requires you to explore the darkness and exploring that side… 

Acknowledging and accepting that you have darkness and a dark side will allow you to process all that must change or heal in order for you to become a unicorn…. your true authentic self!

Many folk on this journey regret or refuse to acknowledge this process… I did and I had a similar feeling and emotion when my late wife took me to a talk or workshop that explores the shadow side… I was terrified in what lay there and refused go there until much later…

By not dipping my feet into the warm warm waters of the shadow side or sub-conscious… I was really playing with the surface of my desired journey to become truly authentic and empowered…

It was not until a few years later when I was able to accept that I must explore my shadow side and sub-conscious mind when it was presented to me as a “resource”… a thing of value or tool which I could tap into and effect major magic and transformation in my own life and in my own work as an Intuitive and Healer….

What an “ah-ha” moment… wow… how did I not see this before? How much time had I wasted scratching on the surface?

Well I dove into the shadow with the courage of a lion and the intention of a manic adventurer in search of the ‘holy grail’… which in this case was becoming whole again and becoming me… my true authentic self…

Still even at that time I thought that there was a magic pill and “WHAM” I would arrive at the destination and all would be well…

Since then and along my journey I slowly started to realise that it is a journey and destinations are layovers or camp sights that are visited and enjoyed and celebrated for a time before moving on…

Holding onto a destination achieved… line a goal realised will in time turn into an anchor or void which can if not recognised and reviewed do untold harm to you and your life… so by examining your goals dreams and desires regularly… tweaking them or shelving them and replacing them with new goals dreams and desires you can move and flow on your journey to ever greater states of awakening, awareness and success…

By leaving these achievements alone , they will get dusty and create ever increasing experiences of negativity and potentially conflict and before you know it you feel stuck, lost, overwhelmed with your life and experiences…

Let me give you an example from my life…

I visualised that I wanted a wife, children, home and I could take my kids to school and be with them often unlike my childhood experience with my father…

Once I had achieved that… I did not re-examine it regularly to see what it felt like or looked like or what could I tweak or change…

This slowly became a stone weight around my neck and soon manifested into conflict and arguments with my wife…

Because as I realise now… I did not know “who I was”… “what I want” and “where I am going”…. not on a deeper and more meaningful level!